All In A Day

I have decided to change to blogger, instead of freeblogit. If any of you that have visited and by some miracle continued to visit, please keep up with me at my new blog.

www.inimitablemormon.blogspot.com

As each day passes, the urge to purge is ever so near. The time is nearing where I must leave. Leave my home, leave my neighbors, leave the tri-cities of hell.

I am running with my feet cemented down. Using every inch of my body to lift my right leg, left leg, right leg. At least get into a jog, please. But no, it is the same story, the same scene, the same images.

I do not raise my hands to cover my face in shame, oh no. I cover them to no longer see. I wish my eyes to be dark, my ears to be closed, and my heart only to one. I want the life I had. I want the life I loved.

Captain Oats, I think it is time to pack up and leave. I shall wait for two months but boy oh boy, keep those bags packed. I shall save the money and Vegas, Colorado, California, Oregon, Washington, Canada, here we come? Away to anywhere. We can make it, right? Buzz and Woody, huh? Together till the end. All we need is each other.

The hope, the desperation, the fear–like the sands in the desert, always seem to return.

The beliefs of one’s religion is often complex and even strange to surrounding friends, family, and passer by’s. To not see a rated R movie, to some form of Sacrament, to shunning the gays, it all is some how weird. My most recent experience with the hypocrisy of the people came on pride day, when Boy George, Wookie and ‘Eden,’ Boy George’s over the top, to the extreme, placement holder boyfriend, tried to enter the festival themselves.

Heavens darken the sky and send lightening! Eden was not happy about this fact at all because, one, he wasn’t going to be going to church early now, two, gay people are evil. He of course unintelligently referred to Sodom and Gomorrah to make a crack at us gays and also made his best comment yet. He told Boy George that he was not going to go in because he wanted God to know who he was before the fires came.

Please laugh, it is hilarious. Do not get offended because you are only wasting your time over someone who feeble-minded. But can you believe him?! I love it. Oh, oh, oh, and to top it all of, to make sure God knew who he was before the fire came, just this Friday we saw The Happening which is rated R. Not a big deal? You are right, it isn’t. But put it in perspective of having God know who he is, I sure would be confused.

The most recent is the crazed emotions of the female specimen. I never will understand it, nor will any other man; it’s to out of our realm. It is again the hypocrisy that bothers me. Stating one thing and allowing your actions to be completely different. I have never been a fan of the blame game and sadly, that is all she knows.

She has taken down the curtains, then put it back up to rip it down again, to then put it right up. It is also a game I do not play. What you see is what you get. I am comfortable with myself, my words, and my actions, where I do not have to put up a curtain every five seconds to then have a split second of rationality to rip it back down. The cycle has been a constant happening, and one that only acquires rolling of my eyes.

Hypocrisy is a hard subject to write about, because I am at times a hypocrite too. But I am aware of that, while others are completely hidden behind their curtains of religion, ego, and crazed emotions. It is time to admit it and no longer be two-faced.

I have meant to write much more in ‘Things That Must Go,’ category, but time just seems to slip away to fast these days. But what I never intended to write about in this category was Captain Oats.

It is true though, he must go. It is his time and there is a place that is full of beautiful souls awaiting his touch. He may seem like a pin prick upon the world to some, but to the people of Africa, he is divine. He sets out in less than twelve hours to Ghana, Africa to work in an orphanage to not only teach English, but to give hope, love, and worth to God’s children across the seas.

I knew this day was going to come, but yet, in my mind it was years away. I have just said my goodbyes though. Tonight. Like, thirty minutes ago. It can’t be hear already, can it? My selfish ways say, no, he can’t go! My heart says, yes he must.

To Captain Oats: You will be missed. You are loved. You are inspirational. There will not be a day that goes by that I will not think of you. Your friends will miss you and we will be talking about you constantly. The two months that you are to be gone are two months that will change our relationship, ourselves, and the world as we know it.

I miss you. I love you.

I feel I am safe to say there has been a point in everyone’s life of desperation, confusion, and an utter complete fear of what is to come. I for one have had multiple times in my life where I stand alone and utter words only to the wind, think only to myself, and motion only to the surrounding walls. This belief that has cascaded upon our society claims that at times we are completely alone with no one to lean on or gain strength from is flowing as a raging river. Our society has been labeled as a ’me’ society, and has been claimed it will not care nor even notice your tribulations. The cascade has now entered into the bodies of many and becomes core beliefs and desperation has overcome those souls.

There is a point in everyone’s life where all beliefs are challenged and re-challenged. It is at that point, you learn what you think, you know what you learned, and you learn to believe. It is a process that most have endured whether it be over religion, love, family, careers, etc. I have had them all. It is a point of self-discovery, whether you like it or not. You learn something new about yourself and it transforms into a core belief that cannot nor will not be broken. I know mine will never be.

There is a point when you are in a life of desperation, confusion, and an utter complete fear of what is to come but with your core beliefs held deep within. I would say, those core beliefs are the light at the end of the tunnel, to not only guide but to give hope through the confusion. To be able to know that there is light, you are able to see that there is indeed something else besides the wind, your mind, and the walls. There is a God above, a Brother to the side, and a Holy Ghost within at all times.

It is at this point in time that you know that you are never alone and when desperation, confusion, and fear can be allowed to leave your body.

As this week enters into Thursday, which enters into Friday, which enters into the inevitable Saturday, I try my best to make it the best week ever for my Captain oh Captain. One of the most beautiful places in Utah, thousands of feet above any city, Captain Oats, Wookie, and I all hiked Mount Timpanogos.

This cave before Monday, had only been experienced by myself. The beauty that they had been missing out on! I couldn’t believe it so I had to take them. Here is a glimpse without full justification of the beauty that we were able to experience Monday.

Do you know all those gays who like those boys who are like girls and they all dress like girls in cute dresses, with painted nails who then like to celebrate their choice of being gay? Yes, I just defined all gay people and I just described the event that all gay people love!

If you can’t catch the sarcasm, you’re special; I just love mocking the unintelligent ‘g’ haters.

But today in the lovely city of Zion, Pride was held and sadly, I lost my pride v-card. *Deep Breath* Yes, I did go. Bu-, but, but, it wasn’t cause I wanted to! I had to. Booths were set up all around Washington Square and a booth designated to Christine was of course, among the feathers, glitter, feather boa’s, and angel wings. Oh the people watching was F-A-A-A-A-BULOUS!

We saw big bears, little bears, tall she-men, small she-men, hotties with naughty bodies (oh wait, that was just our group), men with wigs, women with mohawks, and everything inbetween. I can’t recount how many times I was hit on and/or hugged by people I had no idea who they were…nor interested in. Total self-esteem booster for sure.

But in all honesty, it wasn’t all that it was hyped up to be. And by hyped up, I mean how gross it was suppose to be. By all means, there were some definite whole body shudders because of what my eyes witnessed, but for the most part, normal…kind of a stretch of the word…semi-normal? Okay, yeah, semi-normal people took up most of the square for a day of pure entertainment.

The Look– Amazing

The Walk– Hilarious

The Feeling– *Shudder*

The Victory– All mine

The banners that are being displayed around the country in victory are, “We Won!” And that we did. Thankfully, we, is not just the gay community anymore. It consists of the two states that allow gay marriage, eight different states that allow civil unions and an ever so growing pool of individuals that are supporting the movement.

For all of those who are against homosexuals in any way, please do tell. I have yet to hear an argument that doesn’t have a rebuttal in affirmation that is not knowledgeable and defeats the opposition. So, please do comment and express your opinion.

For all of you who think the movement is over with just Massachusetts and California, I remind you that history always repeats itself. This is a civil movement and I would like to challenge those who hate and discriminate to muster up all their might to open a book and well, read about our history. African Americans were hated and persecuted by the majority; the minority stood and kept strong and their battle was won. Women were belittled and looked down upon; the minority stood and kept strong and the battle was won. Today, we are facing to give rights to Americans that are deserving and to finally be a country where we truly believe that all men are indeed created equal.